At one point we asked Josh, “if each programming language were a human character, who would it be?”
And with that Josh proceeded to anthropomorphize 6 programming languages. He probably would have kept going but I ran out of receipts to write on.
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Then on to Java, source of the perennial updates, surreptitious toolbar installations, and security holes.
“Java is the drama queen you need to root out of your life. 'Everybody needs me—look how important I am,' cries Java petulantly, not realizing that its kingdom, the JVM, will eventually crown a more deserving language.”
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And of course PHP.
“PHP is the stoner. It makes all these bad decisions for bad reasons and then it persists them. Also it's inconsistent.”
What about python?
“Python is the nerdy kid who studied all 4 years at college and then gets drunk every weekend. It's nerdy because there's a whole bunch of science libraries. Scientists love it because they get access to all the low level primitives. But it's a fun language too.”
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“Haskell is like your really stern parents. When you're young, it seems inhibiting to have so many rules. But when you look back on it later, you're really glad you didn't watch all that television... or mutate that data.”
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